You know...

[Dirty Lou]

Since nobody has posted in Submit to the Modern Drunkard "You know you're a drunkard when..." since September, maybe we should start it in here. I'll start. Apologies for any plagiarism, I started reading through the list but got lazy.

You wake up smelling like booze on Wednesday at 11am.

Your wife says your house smells like a bar.

You start scary stories with "There wasn't a drop of alcohol in the house..."

You have a court ordered ignition interlock on your bicycle.

The guys working at the liquor store think your wife is a complete lush.

You have to pass a field undrunkenness test to operate the blender.

The cleaning lady has a retirement plan based on your recyclables.

Placing an order at the 24hr. taqueria turns into an ordeal that nobody ever wants to speak of again. Ever.

You drink tonic water for the wistful reminder of gin.

[Screwball]

Now this, my funky friends, is what this site is about.

Bravo!

[Bluespook]

you know you're a drunkard when your life philosophy is "I drink, therefore I am."

[Mr Boozificator]

When you cross the Atlantic each year because beer is cheaper in America.

[Fabricsoftner]

you get more excited by the liquor ads, than the women in porn magazines

[Dirty Lou]

When you wash your face in the morning, you look in the mirror and think "Look at this fuckin drunk."

[Negromancer]

When you wash your face in the morning, you look in the mirror and think "Look at this fuckin drunk."

This is a daily ritual!

[deaddog]

The one day you go to work not hungover everyone asked you if you feel alright and that you look different.

[ThirstyDrunk]

When you give or get directions, all the landmarks you use are bars.

[TheBigCasino]

Courtesy of Oggar,
When you watch an episode of Behind the Music and think to yourself "that really isn't that much alcohol"

[Smatter Noguts]

The judge sentencing you for a DUI remarks that given your blood alcohol level at the time of arrest indicates that you have developed a high tolerance for alcohol and you take it as a compliment.

[Booz Hound]

You go to sporting events with the goal, not to see your team win, but to out drink the opposing teams fans.

[whiskeyprick]

You can guess a friend's BAC with a tenth of a point based solely on the consequences of the story.

[fiyah]

You begin to tell a story, then pause for a second when you realize, "Every one of my stories start with 'So I was drinking this one time....'."

[Mr Boozificator]

When you can't look at even an ounce of sand without thinking "cocktail season".