How I missed out on free booze...

[Resident Asshole]

So, I went up to one of my locals last weekend for a few eye-openers and some football. This was around 1pm. I was supposed to go with the woman to her work Christmas party around 6pm. They have an open bar at this Christmas party after dinner, so I was looking forward to that part, even though first I would have to deal with meeting all of her co-workers.

After a good amount of drinks I return home about 5pm and call her. I then take a shower and change clothes. She arrives at my house shortly, and enroute to the party she declares that I smell like booze and she doesn't want her co-workers to think I'm a loser.

I say if they think I'm a loser tell them to fuck off. I'm 28, younger than most of them, and probably have a better job, house and car, plus 2 college degrees, so they can bite me.

She turns the car around and I miss out on lots of free booze. Sad, because I was really looking forward to showing them what drinking is all about. Oh, I should also mention I've since broken up with her.

%*

[The Lush]

I know this one, in fact most of us probably do, but that makes it no less irritating. The frustration inherent in being judged just for enjoying drinking is imense. Many have judged me, and yet on the occasions that they do drink, it is normally me that has to help them out because they don't know how to drink.

Having given thought about this matter several points occured to me:

1. Yes, I drink a lot more than them
2. Yes, I do have a better job than them
3. Yes, I am better qualified than them
4. Yes, I do lead a fuller and more rewarding life
5. Yes, I am capable of surviving on my own in a foreign country while they are dependent upon the assistance of others
6. Yes, and this is the big one, I do enjoy my life much more than them.

Having realised that all of this is true, I leared to just laugh in the face of anyone who challenges me on this. The smartest folk I know are always the heaviest drinkers, not because drinking is inherently clever, but because the people who can achieve the most can do so whilst still enjoying life, and let's face it drinking is fun. It is for this reason that I often avoid the larger bars, and become a hermit through choice whenever an amature night (Christmas Eve, New Year, any public holiday) rears it head so that I can avoid most of the horrendously hypocritical fuckwits that converge on bars at these times.

[Bone]

Reading this story just gave me a good idea for a sequel to the Wedding Crashers......you guessed it. The Holiday Work Party Crashers.

Fuck her, you should have went anyways and introduced yourself as her retarded cousin, Michelle. Next time pretend you are rain man and ask where K Mart is.

[MoreEvilThanSkeletor]

This brings up once suppressed but recent memories of two successive open bars earlier this week....

The first one was on Monday, IIRC... My friend's scenester dad couldn't make it to the launch party of some liqueur. So I get his invite. I put up with dressing nice for the free booze, only to find out that the only free drinks are the said liqueur watered down with what seems like LITRES of juice and some unknown blue slushy shots (which took about 20+ in under 45 minutes to achieve the same effect as three 330ml 20 proof beers).

And the place is one of those robber dens that charge 150% more for a measured (and tiny) shot of Johnny Black (because they've yet to have discovered Jameson's and consider Johnny Red too poor) than the local pub, so "cancel that double scotch please..." was my phrase for the night. It was so bad we ended up leaving at 1am to pick up several bottles of cheap rum and coke and going to a house party.

Traumatised by that open bar, I turned down the one held the next day, an invite offered to us by a socialite we befriended during the launch "party"....

Hands down, my worst mistake for the past six months. This one truly had an open bar, where champagne and Glenfiddich (laug if you must) flowed freely.

My friend who did go, demolished (by his self-deppreciating count) 2 & 1/2 bottles worth of Champagne, and enough scotch to make one rusty nail for every regular of my pub. He even broke the news to me by drunk dialing me about all the free stuff and being kicked out by a bouncer for berating people about their poor choice in drink and nearly knocking over a table. I console myself with cheap rum and some mysterious vodka I got for $4.