The Soap Opera Star
An attractive and vulnerable figure trembling with tragedy, her flickering eyes and winsome smile serve as a nearly irresistible aphrodisiac to lonely males. An offer to light her cigarette will be all the audition she needs to include you in the evening’s gala production.

You may expect to be cast in the swiftly revolving roles of Gallant Stranger, Keen Listener, Promising Suitor, Promising Suitor #3, Lurking Ex-Suitor, The Cad Who Most Likely Stole Money from the Leading Lady’s Purse Because She Knew She Had a Twenty in There Before She Went to the Restroom, and your crowning role, The Ruffian With the Richly-Deserved Snootful of Mace.

Distinguishing Characteristics
A very large and disorganized purse bristling with props, including pictures of her imprisoned (but soon to be paroled) ex-husband, phone number-stained bar napkins, unpaid parking tickets and an impressive selection of “self-defense products.”

Drinking Habits
Changes according to her “character arc.”

Mating Call
“Has the mace worn off yet? Cuz I need a ride home.”

Best Defense
Refuse to accept any role except Deaf Mute Bystander.