The Stranger in a Strange Land
This fish out of water is confused by the local customs, such as tipping, chipping in on tabs, and the queer resistance to letting an utter stranger sleep on your sofa. He delights in numerating just how wonderful his home of origin is, but has a difficult time explaining why he left that veritable Paradise to wander amongst the savages. He will, however, raise many great toasts to his host country, so long as one of the savages is buying.

Distinguishing Characteristics
An aggressively loud accent that slips in and out in accordance to how likely you are to buy him a drink.

Drinking Habits
Liquor or beer from his native land, even though it tastes ten times better back home.

Mating Call
“In my country the making of love and the buying of drinks for strangers are considered great arts.”

Best Defense
Remind him that if it weren’t for the good old U.S. of A. his people would be speaking German right now. (Note: Not effective on Germans.)

—Frank Kelly Rich