Forget mom. Forget apple pie. The game of baseball
is the single most recognizable symbol of our national
heritage and character.
For well over a century the game has been our companion,
through times both lean and fat, and has kept a country
with a never-ending thirst for heroes well-stocked. Even
those who have little interest in the game are familiar
with its exemplars: Babe Ruth; Ty Cobb; Mickey Mantle; Jackie
Robinson; Willie Mays. Children are reared on the game,
its players, and their exploits.
Most of their exploits, anyhow.
Throughout the summer, ESPN highlights clutch hitting,
long drifting dingers, shoestring catches, wild pickoffs
at second and well-turned double plays. Players are justifiably
esteemed for their amazing feats of athleticism. But when
the subject turns to off-field behavior the tone gets all
snarky. This is especially true when talking about what
athletes put in their bodies. Take steroids. Major league
players are routinely vilified for stepping even an inch
out of line, despite the near total lack of evidence that
steroids improve a player’s batting average—Barry
Bonds was a serious hitter long before he went on the juice
and turned his head into a pumpkin.
It boils down to this: of the four big-time American sports
(football, basketball, and hockey being the other three)
baseball is viewed as the one with the most class. Unlike
football and hockey, baseball isn’t a brawl, it’s
a chess game, a finely-tuned merger of athletics and smarts,
a competition as much cerebral as physical. Football players
are expected to be violent. Football is a violent game.
Baseball, apart from the occasional collision at home plate,
or bench-clearing tussle, isn’t. Baseball players
are supposed to carry themselves with an air of calm, with
a certain degree of stoicism, and with a kind of quiet arrogance
designed to inspire confidence rather than disenchantment.
Getting regularly liquored-up doesn’t fit the image
we’ve assigned ball players. But this hasn’t
always been the case.
It wasn’t all that long ago that everything the
average fan knew about his favorite player was encapsulated
on the back of a baseball card. Personalities took a back
seat to statistics. What happened on the field was paramount.
Except for certain rare circumstances (e.g. Joe DiMaggio’s
marriage to Marilyn Monroe, or Lou Gehrig’s illness),
fans were not privy to players’ private lives. As
a result, players were able to ditch their uniforms after
a game and act as they wished, safe in the knowledge that,
for the most part, no one was paying attention.
These days, it’s a whole other, uh, ballgame. In
line with our ever more intrusive culture, ball players
are scrutinized as never before; scrutinized, analyzed,
and vilified for stepping out of line. Entire television
programs are devoted to unearthing the foibles and follies
of our athletes, and then subjecting suspect behavior to
a critique by a panel of “experts,” most of
whom have no more business engaging in psychological speculation
than Mr. Ed has entering the Kentucky Derby. This is why
so many professional athletes appear to be cardboard cut-outs;
mannequins in uniforms mouthing tedious clichés,
vanilla and boring as dirt.
It’s enough to make a fella wish it was 1986.
Now there was a year for baseball. It was the last year
that a bunch of unabashed party animals were front and center
on a major league baseball team. The New York Mets of that
summer were, collectively, and with very few exceptions,
drunkards without peer. They were also about as talented
a team of ball players as has ever prowled the diamond.
Opponents called them “arrogant,” “insufferable,” and “a
bunch of assholes.” They weren’t far off the
mark. The ’86 Mets swaggered. They strutted. They
punished other teams and smiled while they did it. Over
the course of that storied season, they were involved in
four bench-clearing fights—not light rounds of pushing
and posturing, but full-bore mob scenes, complete with blood,
torn clothing, and dark intentions. The team earned the
wrath of the entire league when they recorded a rap song
(Get Metsmerized). It went double platinum. Angry moral
posturers shrieked when several players lit cigarettes in
the dugout, and when many more took the field with noticeable
hangovers. Pitcher Bobby Ojeda summed up the team when he
said: “We were throwbacks. We were like, ‘Gimme
a steak, gimme a fuckin’ beer, gimme a smoke, and
get the fuck out of our way.’” Compared to today’s
bland players, the Mets were monsters, the antithesis of
everything the game has become.
The 1986 Mets roster reads like it was lifted from an
All Star Game program: Dwight Gooden, Darryl Strawberry,
Keith Hernandez, Lenny Dykstra, Bobby Ojeda, Mookie Wilson,
Gary Carter. By anyone’s estimation, this is a serious
line-up. They had power hitting, acrobatic defense, and
white-hot pitching.
They played hard and, well, they played hard.
We’ll disregard Gooden and Strawberry’s well-known
cocaine problems, and also the fact that baseball players,
in those days, ate speed like candy, and concentrate on
their massive intake of alcohol. They were drinkers, these
guys; mostly beer, but they’d tipple about anything.
And they did it right out there in public, too, often gathering
after games at Shea at a blue collar watering hole called
Finn MacCool’s, where they drank with their fans and
bought rounds for the house. If you stopped by Finn’s
around three in the morning after a home game, you’d
likely see a gaggle of Mets staggering along the sidewalk,
carrying another teammate between them, trailed by a giggling
swarm of female groupies. The owner of Finn’s once
claimed that the ’86 Mets single-handedly kept his
bar in business.
But the boys didn’t need a regular saloon to get
their drink on. No, they could, and did, drink just about
anyplace.
They kept a refrigerator stocked with beer in their locker
room at Shea. After games, players stayed late into the
night emptying it. Many times the team trainer arrived the
next morning to find men passed out all over the floor,
half-naked, surrounded by crushed Budweiser cans. The trainer
would get them on their feet and into the showers. When
they were awake, a shot of B-12, a couple of cigarettes
and a six-pack got them ready for the day’s double-header.
These guys played with hangovers so often it began to seem
like their normal physical state.
Not every member of the squad boozed it up regularly (Gary
Carter was something of a teetotaling publicity hound),
but the men who did more than made up for the others’ lack
of effort. First among the diehard boozeheads was the trio
made up of Danny Heep, Jesse Orosco and Doug Sisk. Together,
they were known as the Scum Bunch. The rest of the dugout
feared their practical jokes (a hot foot given to a coach
on national television was one notable example), with rookie
players and the more straight-laced team members as preferred
targets. Their primary motivation was, according to sportswriter
Jeff Pearlman, “to corrupt as many Mets as possible.” They
were very good at it.
It was on road trips that the Scum Bunch really let themselves
blossom. They inhabited the back of the plane, and you entered
their domain at your own risk.
First, you’d hear the noise. Hooting, belching and
hysterical laughter, punctuated by the steady double thwack! of
a baseball bat connecting with a can of beer and the can
ricocheting off the wall. Then you’d catch the smell—post-game
sweat, cigarette smoke and fart gas, intermingling with
the odor of spilled beer and Fritos. Then there was the
Scum Bunch themselves, surrounded by as many cohorts as
they could attract, playing drinking games with one eye
on the lookout for potential victims. There were few short-term
visitors to the Bunch’s den. You came to play or you
stayed away.
Among the many drinking games they played, the simplest
and most popular required only a deck of playing cards.
Anyone could follow the rules. When your turn came around
the next guy in line held the deck out and you began selecting
cards off the top. A red card meant you picked again, while
a black meant you drank. Each participant went through an
entire deck, then it moved on to the next. The Scum Bunch
and their guests might play ten or fifteen decks each on
a flight. When they ran out of beer they used mini bottles.
The stewardesses quickly learned that they should venture
into Scum Bunch territory only when it was absolutely necessary—it
was scary back there.
In October of 1986, the Mets, led by the Scum Bunch, pulled
off two amazing feats, one on the field and one off.
Although the Mets had pretty much steamrolled most of
their opponents, in the NLCS they ran headlong into a feisty
Houston Astros team who steadfastly refused to believe that
the Mets were the Chosen Ones. For a time all looked lost,
and for a team as powerful as the Mets to fail to go on
to win the World Series would be a failure of mammoth proportion.
So they got serious, or what passed for serious with these
guys, and eventually body slammed the Astros in Game 6 to
take the NLCS pennant. They were off to the World Series.
The plane ride back to New York turned into a scene of
such drunkenness and debauchery that it became the stuff
of Major League legend. Putting it baldly, the Mets ate
their chartered plane alive and sucked the marrow from its
still-shivering bones.
In violation of long-standing policy, many of the players
brought their wives and girlfriends along for the trip.
Mets management had laded the 707 with three times its usual
compliment of alcohol and food. It was to be a celebration.
All totaled, the celebration cost United Airlines and the
Mets franchise tens of thousands of dollars, including bills
for the damage done to the plane.
Some players were already loaded when they boarded. Everyone
else (even the straight-laced Gary Carter) got that way
quickly. The Scum Bunch was in full frenzy. Players, coaches
and various wives and mistresses, careened up and down the
aisle toasting, whooping and dancing, while the airline’s
crew attempted to serve the special post-win meal of steak
and lobster. There was also a large cake with congratulations
done in Mets’ blue and orange frosting. It was the
first casualty. Moments after its appearance it was put
to use as weaponry for what might be the most spectacular
food fight in the history of professional sports. People,
seats and walls were plastered in gooey frosting, and the
party was only ramping up.
Darryl Strawberry, who was about as nasty a drunk as you’re
likely to find, decided he wanted to lay down, convinced,
in his stupor, that the seats turned into couches. They
didn’t, but that didn’t stop Straw from breaking
a good half-dozen in his attempt to make them lay flat.
Rafael Santana peed down the back of Ed Hearn’s shirt.
Wives and girlfriends, those who weren’t otherwise
involved in topless shenanigans, yarked in seat pockets.
The Scum Bunch started up a game of beer-can baseball. Dented
cans sailed through the air, foam spraying like geysers.
Guys strapped steaks to their feet and went skiing. There
were antics that bordered on public fornication. Several
players got into fistfights, then made up and drank to each
others health. People did things in the restrooms that defied
logic and the laws of physics.
When they landed in New York to the cheers of thousands
of fans, the players looked so horrible that spectators
could only gape in astonishment, but that didn’t stop
Darryl Strawberry from emptying a bottle of Andre Champagne
over the head of Mayor Ed Koch.
The next morning at the team meeting, manager Davey Johnson
reamed the players in a tirade that lasted several minutes,
waving the bill from United in one fist for emphasis.
Then he paused.
“Well,” he said, “do you know what I
think? I think in the next four games you’ll put enough
money in these guys’ pockets to cover this. So fuck
this bullshit.”
The team cheered.
About two weeks later, the Mets beat the Boston Red Sox
to win the World Series.
Today, the ’86 World Series is remembered mostly
because of Bill Buckner, who committed one of the great
errors in baseball history when he let Mookie Wilson’s
soft grounder roll between his legs, allowing the Mets to
win the game. But let’s not remember it for that alone.
Let’s remember it because of the arrogant, swaggering,
drunken Mets. They were the last of a long line, and when
they passed, the glory days of professional baseball passed
with them.
There are too few ball players these days who live their
lives without the guidance of public opinion and potential
public outrage. A team like the ’86 Mets couldn’t
exist today. Guys don’t fuel themselves with liquor
anymore. They use steroids and protein shakes. It’s
sad.
In closing, let’s hear from the great Keith Hernandez
who said, “You don’t win a World Series drinking
milk.”
—Rich English
(Note: The Author is indebted to the
work of Jeff Pearlman.)