Note: As absurd as some of them may seem,
we did not make any of these holidays up.
Key: Holiday. Pithy comment. Suggested holiday
libation. (Recipes included for the odd ones.)

July
1 The Feast of the Most Precious Blood. Creepy Catholic celebration celebrates Christ bleeding. Rusty Nail.

2 National Literacy Day. Attempt to write the Great American Novel on bar napkins—one drink at a time. Booker’s Bourbon.

3 International Civil Disobedience Day. No, I will not show you my ID! Screwdrivers at home.

4 Independence Day (USA). Celebrate our freedom to drink crappy American beer. Bud.

5 Peace and Unity Day (Rwanda). Seethe irony and sarcasm. Virgin Bloody Mary, except with vodka.

6 The Running of the Bulls Festival begins. Substitute bouncers for bulls. Schlitz Malt Liquor.

7 Great Gatsby Festival. Suit up and drink like you got a million bucks. Cosmopolitan.

8 Julius Caesar's Birthday (100 BC). Et tu, boozus?
Bloody Caesar
2 oz vodka
1 dash worcestershire sauce
1 dash Tabasco Sauce
1 oz Clamato Juice
Celery salt
Pepper
Rim tall glass with celery salt, fill with ice and ingredients. Garnish with a celery stick and lime.

9 National POW/MIA Day. Raise a glass to brothers lost. Colt 45 Malt Liquor.

10 National Pina Colada Day. “Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain. I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne.”—Rupert Holmes. Pina Colada.

11 Buffalo Bill Day. Saved our young nation from marauding bison. Buffalo Trace Whiskey.

12 Milton Berle’s Birthday. “If it wasn’t for the olives in his martinis, he’d starve to death.” Martinis, extra olives.

13 Fool’s Paradise Day. See you at the bar. Whatever you’re buying.

14 Bastille Day (French). Fourth of July for francophiles. Cognac.

15 Respect Canada Day. Okay, but only because of hockey and the Mackenzie brothers, eh? Molson.

16 Anniversary of the Whiskey Rebellion. In 1794 American farmers rose up against the federal government to protest new taxes on liquor. Bottle of liquor from the duty-free shop.

17 St. Alexis’ Day. Patron saint of panhandlers. PBR draft.

18 Hunter S. Thompson’s Birthday (1937). “I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.” Wild Turkey.

19 St Arnold’s Day. The patron saint of beer spent his life teaching that water was dangerous and beer was dangerously delicious. Chimay Ale.

20 Cockney Day. Get Brahms and Liszt down at the rub-a-dub-dub. Giggle and titter.

21 Ernest Hemingway’s Birthday (1899). Celebrate the man who taught two generations how to drink.
Papa Doble
2 1/2 ounces White Bacardi Rum
Juice of 1/2 grapefruit
6 drops grenadine
Mix with half scoop of ice in a blender. Garnish with a cherry.

22 John Dillinger is gunned down outside a movie theatre (1934). Should have went to the pub.
Gangbuster Punch
1 1/2 oz vodka
1 1/2 oz peach schnapps
1 oz cranberry juice
Splash 7-Up
Shake well, strain.

23 Raymond Chandler’s Birthday (1888). Literary father of the booze-belting P.I. Rye whiskey.

24 National Tequila Day. AKA Wake Up In Jail Day. Tequila.

25 St. Christopher’s Day. Patron saint of bikers and bachelors.
Confirmed Bachelor
1 1/2 oz Gin
1 tsp Grenadine
1/2 tsp Rose’s Lime Juice
1 Egg white
Shake with ice, strain.

26 Revolution Day (Cuba). Fidel continues to revolt. Cuba Libre.

27 National Scotch Day. “Well, between scotch and nothin’, I suppose I’d take scotch. It’s the nearest thing to good moonshine I can find.” —William Faulkner. Scotch (if there’s no ‘shine on hand).

28 Hurricane Supplication Day (Virgin Islands). Fight fire with fire. Hurricanes.

29 Rasputin’s Birthday (1871). Wino monk held sway over the Russian empire. Madeira wine (his favorite).

30 All American Soap Box Derby Day. Recapture those forgotten memories of childhood glory. Gin and ginger ale.

31 Jimmy Hoffa disappears (1975). Left behind a lotta outstanding bar tabs. Union-made beer.