Note: As absurd as some of them may seem,
we did not make any of these holidays up.
Key: Holiday. Pithy comment. Suggested holiday
libation. (Recipes included for the odd ones.)

March
1 National Beer Day (Iceland). Celebrates the end of 75 years of prohibition of beer in 1989. Ice cold brew.

2 First Festival of Vesta (Roman). You’re going to want to whoop it up on this one, because the second one kinda sucks. Tuaca.

3 National Mulled Wine Day. No need to mull over this one.
Bad Pun Punch
3 oz Rum
Orange juice
2 tblsp Grenadine
Shake and strain.

4 America’s first tavern opens (1634). Imagine the line outside the door. Make a run down the taps.

5 Failed Coup Day (Equatorial Guinea). At least when when you fuck up they don’t commemorate it with a goddamn national holiday. Pisco.

6 Anniversary of the Battle of the Alamo (1836). Whiskey drinkers fight to the death for Texas. Lone Star Beer.

7 Switzerland gave women the right to vote (1971). Better late than never, eh, ladies? Ladies choice.

8 International Women’s Day. Hear that, you goddamn Swiss? Who’s in charge now? Foo-foo drinks.

9 Feast of the 40 Martyrs (Greek). New slang: “I’m gonna get as drunk as forty Greek martyrs.” Forty of your choice.

10 Junoalia (Roman). Celebrates Juno, Roman Goddess of Art, Love, Light, Hearth and a buncha other sissy stuff.
Tattooed Love Goddess
1 oz vodka
1 oz vanilla schnapps
1 1/2 oz Godiva Liqueur
1 oz cream
Fill glass with ice, add liqueurs, top with cream, shake well.

11 Hercules’ Day (Greek). Hercules was known for whipping up on mutants. Murphy’s Stout.

12 Jack Kerouac’s Birthday (1922). Road trip! Gas station beer.

13 Runic Half-Month of Tyr ends. I was beginning to think that motherfucker was never going to end. Fat Tire.

14 Veturius Mamurius (Roman). A festival celebrating armor. Those Romans weren’t exactly picky when looking for an excuse to get housed on the vino. Italian wine.

15 Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor marry for the first time (1964). Forming the greatest husband/wife drinking team of the century. Vodka tonic and champagne.

16 Bacchus Day. Christmas for drunkards. Flagons and flagons of wine.

17 St. Patrick’s Day. Chase the snakes out of your mind. Green beer.

18 Sheelah’s Day (Ireland). Honors the woman who historians reckon was either the mother or wife of St. Patrick.
Forbidden Taboo Cocktail
1 oz white rum
1 oz Midori Melon Liqueur
1 oz pineapple juice
2 tsps lemon juice
2 drops grenadine
Combine in blender with crushed ice. Blend until smooth.

19 Minerva’s Day (Roman). Celebrates Roman Goddess of Crafts, Trades — and War. Just in case you were thinking about frontin’.
Warsteiner Beer.

20 Martini Season begins. The triumphant return of the Stemmed Glass Satan. Martini.

21 End of the World Day (Iran). Better drink up while you can.
End of the World
1 oz Bacardi 151
1 oz Wild Turkey 101
1 oz vodka
Serve warm in a shot glass.

22 Kaiser Wilhelm I’s Birthday (1797). “Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.” St. Pauli Girl.

23 Rally For Decency Day. Hear that, you savages? Country Club Malt Liquor in civilized company.

24 Day of Blood (Roman). Watch your back. St. Ides (of March).

25 Waffle Day (Sweden). Double waffles all around! I’m buying!
Warsaw Waffle
2 oz vodka
1 oz maple syrup
Mix, shoot.

26 Leonard Nimoy’s Birthday (1931). Lush long and proper.
Vulcan Mind Probe
1/2 oz Ouzo
1/2 oz 151 proof rum
Mix ,shoot.

27 The corkscrew is patented (1860). Making it no longer necessary to push the cork down into the bottle with a pen. Corked wine.

28 Festival of the Sacrifice at the Tombs (Roman). Graveyard party! Woo-hoo! Zombie.

29 Expulsion of the Demons of Bad Luck Festival (Tibet). Demonic possession is bad enough, but bad luck demons? Believe me, you don’t want ‘em.
Exorcism By Fire
1 1/2 oz Pernod
1 lemon wedge
6 dashes Tabasco Sauce
sugar
Coat the lemon wedge with sugar. Douse the lemon wedge with the 6 dashes of Tabasco. Shoot the Pernod and suck the lemon.

30 Doctor’s Day. Me, I prefer to follow Dr. Hunter S. Thompson’s advice. Apple schnapps.

31 Tater Day. Potato growers are notoriously informal. Potato vodka.